Fair

This weekend I was sexually harassed by a black man.  He is someone I know only tangentially, but his comments about my legs and his request to see "what's under your coat" made me very uncomfortable.  I still cringe thinking about the way his comments made me feel fearful, disrespected, exposed and angry.  I felt dirty and scared for the rest of the day -- and haven't been able to completely move the experience from my daily thoughts.  I was knee-deep in anger and disgust when my thoughts turned to others who have experienced harassment.  Suddenly my perspective changed. 

Black women have lived at the mercy of the white man's sexual whims for centuries.  They experienced much more than just a suggestive word or sexually-charged request.  The amount of mixed-race children blotting U.S. plantations during the 18th and 19th centuries proves how common it was for a plantation owner to rape a female slave.  These fair-skinned children gazing out through history betray my arrogance.  I was not and am not completely powerless in this situation.  I was able to say "no" to this man; to walk away, get in my car and drive somewhere I felt safe.  I could potentially press charges if I wanted to.  For an enslaved woman, the consequences of choosing any of these options (which were readily available to me) were often so horrific that she would never have chosen them.  Even after the Emancipation Proclamation, there was little a black girl could do to prosecute a white man.  Indeed, there was little a black man could do to defend himself against the false accusations of a white girl.  Is it, therefore, fair that I experienced this small piece of harassment?  Is it time the white race experienced a bit of what they themselves dished out for so long? 

I don't know.

Almost a week later, there is one aspect of this experience that I feel clearly about.  The thing that makes me the most upset is that young girls who live in this man's house were in a parked car not 50 feet from him when he did this to me.  I pray those girls did not see him approach me but, whether or not they did, I believe the attitude inherent in his comments pervades their house.  At that moment, I was little more than a body to that man: something nice to look at.  I desperately want those girls to know that they are intelligent, strong and capable.  That their bodies are not the only thing that gives them purpose or worth in this world.  That their beauty and intelligence comes from God and should be respected.  They are not simply baby-machines or sex-toys.  They can be strong and gently lovers and mothers, but they can also be doctors, teachers, presidents, C.E.Os and women who have the right to say "no".  Yet how will they know this if they only see men regarding the body of a woman? 

These girls already have the deck stacked against them:  They live in a poor neighborhood with schools that are crowded with disinterested students and (frankly) disinterested teachers.  They are being raised by grandmothers and aunts because, after giving birth as teenagers, their mothers chose alcoholism and drug abuse over raising their own children.  Most male relatives are in gangs or jail.  There is little in their world to show these girls how much they are really worth.  Knowing they are in a house with a man who treated me as sexual object breaks my heart.  Will they learn from him that their strength comes from their ability to read, or to show compassion, or to make a scientific discovery -- or will they learn from him that their strength comes from their ability to look good in a tight dress?

This is a problem for all women in the United States.  It is a problem that will take the work of both men and women to solve.  It is a problem that demands our attention and our action.  It's time we start praising women not because they look fair, but because they are fair: just, humble and intelligent.  Those are the attributes that mark a truly beautiful woman.  We must teach our girls and boys, through word and action, that their worth lies in more than just their physicality.  Their worth is not dependent upon the size or shape of their body - just as it is not dependent upon the color of their skin.